One More Relationship: Response

This posting concludes the three-part discussion of One More Relationship, inspired by what I learned at One More: Awana Ministry Conference 2011.

Over the last couple postings, I discussed the importance of consistency and respect in establishing and building relationships with anyone of any age. In today’s blog, I will discuss the third pillar.

Response

As any happily married couple will tell you, healthy relationships revolve around communication. With this, recognize that communication requires both talking and listening - often more the latter than the former.

Photo provided by Sierra Bible Church

We’ve all heard the saying, “Children should be seen and not heard.” Well, this statement isn’t entirely true. Listening to a child goes back to the pillar of respect - what your child considers to be important is worth your time, and they need to know it.

Teenagers especially are more willing to open up if you show an interest in their thoughts, questions and well-being. Brannon Marshall, who taught a workshop about how to teach middle school and high school students, stressed the importance of spending a few class periods yielding the floor to the students. “You should ask questions such as, ‘Is there anything you’d like to talk about, any questions you want to discuss, or any topics you want more information about?’” he said.

Question and answer has two other purposes as well. The first is that it works to evoke critical thinking, forcing the child to work through (with guidance from the teacher) questions about meaning, cause and effect, and actions and consequences on his own.

Brannon Marshall discussed the types of questions to ask tweens and teens when teaching a lesson. The first set of questions regard the text in question and focus on the meaning. By asking questions such as, “What is this talking about?” and “What is this saying about what it’s talking about?” makes the teen dig deeper into the text to seek out the truth. Seeking out the truth for himself rather than simply being told establishes a greater sense of accomplishment, confidence and personalization of what God has to say.

Marshall then discussed the next level, which evokes conversation: asking questions such as “what do you think about that?” and “why is this important?” These questions serve to help the child move through the process of cause and effect, action and consequence, “what I feel” to “what I decide.” Such questions also work to build the relationship between the teacher and the student, as the adult encourages these thought processes.

Asking questions to make a child think through action and consequence can also be used in discipline. In the conference workshop “Ending Discipline Times with Impact,” National Center for Biblical Parenting speaker Meg Roundy discussed the importance of asking three questions and making a statement when confronting a child about his behavior: “What did you do wrong?” “why was it wrong?” “what can you do differently next time?” and “ok, let’s try again.”

It makes the child think about the action and the consequence, as well as future behavior. Firstly, the child has to verbally confess the action. This helps ingrain the concept of accountability and responsibility into her mind, instead of looking for ways to pass an excuse off somewhere else. The second step is the child has to explain why the action was wrong. This verbalization helps her understand that her actions can have consequences to others, and there is a reason for the discipline. The third question forces the child to think critically about ways to improve her character, and the final statement offers a glimmer of hope that the child can make better decisions in the future.

In her workshop “Teaching Kids to Listen and Follow Instructions,” Roundy also discussed how teaching kids to respond also teaches them accountability and responsibility. When you ask them to do something, a response from them lets you know that “They heard you, and they intend to follow through,” she said. “It creates a verbal contract, which isn’t complete until they report back ‘I’m done.’ It also serves as an indicator of attitude.”

Finally, Q&A tests the understanding of the child and helps with memorization. At one of the Bible camps I attended during high school, we were trained use the beaded gospel bracelets to share the gospel. We explained the black bead (sin), the red bead (Christ’s death, the shedding of blood), and the white or clear bead (being made clean). Then we asked the child to repeat the meanings of the three beads back to us. By having her echo the meanings, we knew she understood. Verbalization is also a memorization technique. When she repeated the gospel to us, the message became more deeply instilled in her mind and, hopefully, her heart.

Establishing a relationship with your kids at home, school or ministry is important in helping the children to become steadfast, God-fearing adults. Build on the three pillars of consistency, respect, and response, and you’re on your way to building one more relationship that will last for a lifetime.

For more information about Awana Clubs International, visit the Awana Homepage.
To find a club in your area visit the Club Locator.

One More Relationship: Respect

This is the second blog of three in the series of One More Relationship, inspired by what I learned at One More: Awana Ministry Conference 2011.

Last blog, I discussed the importance of consistency as one of three pillars in establishing a connection and maintaining a healthy relationship with your sons and daughters, or the children you work with. However, while consistency is one of the most important pillars, it alone is not enough. Remember, these pillars apply not just to a relationship between kids and parents, but to relationships between children and any of their adult teachers and leaders.

Respect

Previously, I mentioned the concept of teaching through how you act in front of your kids in different situations. Your actions are also important when working directly with the kids. Children tend to base their worth on how their parents and leaders interact with them. If you maintain consistence with discipline, lectures, and commands but neglect praise and acknowledgement, they may get the idea that they never do anything right, and it makes them feel that you don’t care to hear what they have to say.

I remember that as a child, every day after school, the first words I heard as I was getting in the car were “Hi kiddo, how was your day?” As I responded, mom remained actively involved in the conversation, asking questions about what I learned and how I was getting along with other kids, mentioning them by name. She opened the door for me to share about my excitements and worries, and it allowed us to discuss in more detail some of the things I learned, which actually helped me remember the information. And most importantly, this came as a comfort to me and planted a seed of confidence because my life was worth her time.

In the conference workshop “Teaching Kids to Listen and Follow Instructions,” National Center for Biblical Parenting speaker Meg Roundy provided a series of steps for both parents and children. She grouped the first two steps into a process of letting the child know you care. The first step listed is to physically get close to your child. We’re told in Proverbs 15:1, “A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.” Nobody likes being yelled at, whether it’s across the room or the house. Yelling causes most people to become defensive and less responsive to what you have to say.

“You need to get down at their level and look them in the eye,” Roundy said. “You can also use manners of touch, such as placing your hand on your teen’s shoulder until they are willing to pay attention.”

The second step Roundy discussed was to consider the timing of a discussion, lesson or discipline. Showing an interest in your child’s life also requires paying attention to their moods and actions. If the family pet just died and the child comes to Awana to be greeted with “you don’t have the week’s section requirement finished,” her esteem will plummet, her depression will deepen, and your ability to communicate with her will greatly diminish. Instead, pay attention to whether she’s sad or depressed, and offer to talk and pray about it. As with the child being asked, “how was your day?,” this communicates that the child has value, that praying for her and her family is more important than meeting a record-keeping requirement. With this method, however, make sure that at the end of the discussion or prayer you do gently address the rule or lesson you initially postponed, as that is still important and needs attention.

Establishing a mature relationship is especially important with older kids, and even adults. “You need to talk to the teen, tell him that you value an adult and honorable relationship with you,” Roundy said. This helps them recognize that you acknowledge that they are becoming older. You grant them a certain level of responsibility for their actions combined with some independence, and it encourages more respect in return.

One More Relationship: Consistency

On Sept. 24, I had the pleasure to attend my first Awana Ministry Conference outside of Reno. After a 4 a.m. awakening and a three-hour drive, we arrived in Elk Grove near Sacramento.

The conference was worth every sleepless moment.

This year’s theme was “One More:” One more boy riding in your car to Awana club; One more girl in handbook time; One more invitation to meet the Savior; One more family changed forever. For me, the overarching theme was One more relationship.

The age group you’re working with does not matter, nor does it matter whether you are a parent or just someone who works in youth ministries. Connecting and instructing children may be defined in three key pillars: consistency, respect, and response. In the next few blogs, I will take a more in-depth look at each of these pillars.

Consistency

Children are like trees. They need a place where they can dig their roots deep to blossom and grow. Too many transplants or too shifty a soil will prevent the tree from opening up and reaching his full potential.

“Ninety percent of leadership is showing up,” said Brannon Marshall, who taught a workshop about how to teach middle school and high school students. When a child sees that you care enough to come and support her, whether as a weekly Awana handbook leader or a parent attending her soccer game, she will be more likely to listen to what you have to teach, as well as share with you what is on her mind.

Be warned: this is a two-edged sword. Consistent availability can, and should, be found at home with the parents and at church with the congregation members, youth and Awana leaders. But it can also be found at school and the neighborhood with peers and those walking with the world and away from God. Children will sink their roots wherever they find people willing to spend time with them - will you be their soil?

Consistency applies to how you act as well. “Actions speak louder than words” is not obsolete. Children, especially at a younger age, are impressionable, and will learn right away if you practice what you preach. What does your child see when you are not in your Awana uniform, not at church, and not around other people?

"The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle," Marshall said, quoting Christian writer Brennan Manning. Regardless of what you say, children, and people in general, perceive what is most important through how you act. Does what you say have merit? Prove it by visually applying it to your daily life.

Consistency in discipline is also highly important. Children want to feel secure in their environment, and will therefore test the boundaries to find out how secure they are. If you are sometimes lax in presenting the consequence to his action and at other times dropping on him with a sledge-hammer, he will become scared and confused, never knowing what to expect, and never willing to let out his roots. He will also look elsewhere for more consistent boundaries and will most likely find himself going over the edge and into danger.

For more information about Awana Clubs International, visit the Awana Homepage.

To find a club in your area visit the Club Locator.

Awana at the Movies: National Awana Movie Day

On Saturday, Oct. 1, Awana leaders all over the United States will be available to watch your children so you can go see the newly released movie, “Courageous.”

The movie, from the makers of Fireproof, tells the following story: “Four men, one calling: To serve and protect. When tragedy strikes home, these men are left wrestling with their hopes, their fears, their faith, and their fathering.”

The kids will enjoy a few games, some snacks, and some fun!

For theaters in your area showing the movie, check out the theater listings.

Check with your local clubs to learn when the leaders will be available. You can find the clubs in your area using the Club Locator.

“Honor Begins At Home.”

For more information about Awana Clubs International, visit the Awana Homepage.

To find a club in your area visit the Club Locator.

Awana What?

It's that time of year again, where I cannot walk through the house without tripping over a box of handbooks and awards, a bag of patches and jewel containers, or a tub of new game equipment or store stuff. Looks to be another productive year.

For those that don't know, Awana Clubs International is a program where children from two years of age through high school teach the adults what God can do.

Okay, so maybe that's not the actual purpose of the club. But you would be surprised at how much adults actually can learn from children.

The Breakdown of Clubs
There are six primary "clubs" in Awana, organized by age and grade. Children ages two to three are in Puggles. Preschoolers are in Cubbies. Kindergarten through second grade in Sparks, third grade through sixth grade in Truth & Training (T&T), junior high in Trek, and high school in Journey. Each of the six clubs has personal studies, games, and lessons suited to their age level.

The Breakdown of Club Nights
A typical Awana night is broken into three parts: Handbook Time, Large Group Time, and Game Time.

In Handbook Time, the children work with their leaders in their individual handbooks. This time primarily focuses on Scripture memory, learning what verses mean, and learning how to navigate the Bible. Children earn patches and jewels as they complete sections in their books throughout the year, and a ribbon, trophy or plaque at the end of the club year if they finish the books.

In Large Group Time, the children are taught biblical and moral truths and the applications each truth has to their lives.

In Game Time, the children compete in controlled, high energy activities. Games are either individual or team games, and great importance is placed on teaching the children sportsmanship and teamwork.

The Other Stuff
A variety of Awana activities, including theme nights, sleepovers, and derbies, are held throughout the year within individual church programs. Other events, such as Awana Weekend, Trek Weekend, Journey Weekend and Summit, are competitions in games and Bible quizzing between churches on a local, regional, or national level.

I hope to share with you my adventures in Awana, from the events to tips and ideas to what the kids are teaching me. Awana has a place for everyone; the young, and the young at heart. We are Approved Workman, and Are Not Ashamed. The clubs are as unique as the children who attend, but we are all united in our goal to get the Gospel into the hearts of as many children as possible; to reach boys and girls with the Gospel of Christ, and train them to serve Him. So welcome to the program, and enjoy the ride.

For more information about Awana Clubs International, visit the Awana Homepage.
To find a club in your area visit the Club Locator.